Beyond the hills-Chapter 6

Prologue: topic37432.html

Chapter I: topic37490.html

Chapter II: topic37965.html

Chapter III: topic38391.html

Chapter IV: topic38444.html

Chapter V: topic38742.html

Shortest Chapter so far, but I'll make up for it in my next chapter!!

CHAPTER VI

Rachel lay still.

"Rachel!!" She heard Elvy's voice call out. Then she felt a firm hand grip hers, and pull her up. She felt a sharp pain in her hip.

"Rachel come!" She heard Elvy scream, but it was as if she was in a dream. Then, suddenly, one voice rose up in her mind. Sharp and clear, yet sounding ancient.

"Stop. Follow me." It said, dragging out each vowel.

"Where to?" Rachel asked dreamily.

"To my great kingdom,"

"Where is it?" Rachel asked, no longer in control of her body.

"Behind you," Rachel turned. Behind her, the great cloud was still coming. She took a step towards them.

"Rachel!" She heard Elvy's voice call out, But it was drowned out by something else. She took another step. Elvy's hand took hers, and tugged at her. She beated it off. She took another step towards the cloud. And another. Then, she felt Elvy's hand again. She hit it, but it held still. It tugged at her hard. She fell back. Elvy was dragging her.

"Get him off you!" The voice cried out. Desperately, Rachel clawed at his hand. A gust of wind blew her hair around. She had no control over her mind anymore. A stronger gust blew, rolling Rachel away from Elvy. Elvy himself was struggling in the wind. Rachel's legs got some strength from somewhere, and stood. They were edging her on to the cloud again. It was frighteningly near now. Less than forty feet. Again, she felt Elvy's hands grasp her shoulders, and yank her away. There were tears pouring out of his eyes. Another strong gust blew, but this time Elvy held. He flung her onward, through the wind.

"Come Rachel! We haven't come across the hills just to be caught!" Elvy called over the wind. Then, a supremely powerful gust lifted Elvy and Rachel both, and blew them away from the cloud. Suddenly, Rachel felt as if her mind was returning to her body. She noticed that Elvy was no longer holding her, and all the wind was gone. The sun was out, and her landscape was considerably different.

* * *

Dran looked up. Why were the hills so high? It was going to take him ages to get across. Dran sighed.

"Well, if you didn't cheat and win in that hike, they wouldn't have chosen me. I brought this down on myself," He whispered under his breath. He continued to hike across the hills throughout the day, till he reached the rounded tops. Once there, he had a full view of a great radius around

the area. In front of him was the burnt down Stanio village, and behind him, more endless fields of turf.

"One more step and I'd be out of this world!" He cried out. He felt immensely lonely. He was the only living thing in this world, and a person could feel it. There was no wind like there was supposed to be. There was no sound of chirping birds. Not even beetles. He was all together glad to be leaving it. Then, he took that one step out.

* * *

Rachel was lying in a ditch. Not a very deep ditch, only about two feet deep. The voice was gone, and so was the great black cloud of shadows. The sun above her was..well, pink. Around her was a light yellow sand, stretching around for miles. She looked around amazed. In between the sand small branch-like purple plants (if it was plants) grew. Elvy lay on his back next to her, eyes open.

"I think I am round about ready to go home now." He said.

"And how exactly are we going to do that?" Rachel asked, recalling Dran's words. Wind is stronger where two worlds meet.

"Remember what Dran said? Wind is stronger where two worlds meet. Remember those strong winds we had?" Rachel asked. Elvy made the connection.

"Oh no! three worlds in a row! I really am ready to go home now!" Elvy cried out.

* * *

Ro looked up. He wasn't going to go back to those pathetic stupid Elders! He was in service of the great Skeleton Lord! He wanted to see the fools faces when had the great king's throne for himself. How he would make them suffer, for all that they had put him through. Go Ro, go clean out the stables! He remembered them telling him. We could always kick you out! Oh, he would have more in store for them than cleaning stables! He stood, looking at the great expanse of Esmassma's territory. he couldn't see it all at once, for the Skeleton Lord had taken over much more than just this barren wasteland Ro was standing in now. It all will be mine soon! Tell him Dran took the children to the tower...Tronke. There I'll take his dagger, and stab him!! Ro planned. He still had no idea of how he was going to to get Esmassma's dagger, but he was getting there. In his mind a voice called his name. His master was calling.

* * *

"We should really get going." Rachel said.

"Where to?" Elvy asked still lying on his back.

"Elvy! We can't just stay here! We should go some where!" Rachel called out.

"And? We won't last long without food or water,"

"Maybe there's a river somewhere here. If we find it we can drink from it." Rachel said.

"And food?"

"These plants could be edible,"

"Ray, if their poisonous, we'll die, and no one will even know we're dead." Those words gave Rachel an idea.

"Do it for our village. Imagine how proud they would be if we get back. They'll talk about us for centuries to come!" Elvy stared at her.

"Good point," He said standing up. "We should go!"

Chapter VII: topic38914.html

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User avatar
Linx
Review
Linx wrote a review · Wed Nov 19, 2008 12:26 am

Hiya! This is a good job, Reuben. The only things I caught were some dialouge problems and capitalization. Here we go:

"Stop. Follow me." [b]Comma not a period. Then the it here should not be capitilizated. It said, dragging out each vowel. [/b]

"To my great kingdom," Period not comma."Where is it?" Rachel asked, no longer in control of her body.
"Behind you," Period not comma. Rachel turned. Behind her, the great cloud was still coming. Still? She took a step towards them. Them?

She took another step towards the cloud. And another. Just combine those two sentences Then, take out the comma she felt Elvy's hand again. She hit it, but it held still. It tugged at her hard. She fell back. Elvy was dragging her. Little choppy here


Once there, he had a full view of a great radius around You can get rid of this humongeous space
the area

He was the only living thing in this world, and a person could feel it. Huh? A person could feel it?


Rachel asked, recalling Dran's words. Wind is stronger where two worlds meet.
"Remember what Dran said? Wind is stronger where two worlds meet. Remember those strong winds we had?" Rachel asked. Elvy made the connection. It really doesn't sound right when you say that over again.


"Oh no! three capitalize three worlds in a row! I really am ready to go home now!"


"We should really get going." Comma, not period Rachel said.


"And? We won't last long without food or water," Period, not comma
"Maybe there's a river somewhere here. If we find it we can drink from it." Comma, not period Rachel said.
"And food?"
"These plants could be edible," Period, not comma



That's all! Good job! :D PM me if you have any questions.



No man or woman who tries to pursue an ideal in his or her own way is without enemies.
— Daisy Bates